Foster Parent, Mom Life

She met her sister…

She met her sister…

When children are in foster care the biological parents still maintain all rights expect for physical care.  In our case, her bio parents were still together.  At first, they would not let us take her out of state.  We could not cut her hair.  No field trips.  No extra sports.  She was to have no contact with any of her biological family except bio mom and dad.  Now that their rights have been terminated and we are in the process of adopting we are no longer bound by their requests.  The maternal grandmother is raising our little ones sister.
I have been in contact with the grandmother for several years.  As soon as we got the green light from our social worker we decided it was time to get the girls together.  The older sister whom I shall call Abby is just shy of 13.  A beautiful girl who is into dancing.  She is an excellent student.  Tall and graceful.   The grandmother has done a wonderful job.
We were invited to travel a few towns away to do trick or treating with them last night.  My little one was unsure as to want to go.  She wanted to go but in her words “I am so shy around my sister.”  Meaning she was not sure what to say or what to do.  My little one has such a deep longing for a sisterly connection.  All we have heard about for the past 3 years was wanting to see her sister Abby.  When can we see her?  What is she like?  Last night was the first contact between the two girls.  We were to meet at the restaurant the grandmother owned.
We arrive and after the initial meeting she hid behind me…stayed close to my side.  There were an aunt and 2 cousins there as well.  Two boys.  A lot to take in at once.  Abby did an amazing job of asking questions.  Trying to engage her.  The aunt, as well, was very engaging and called her by her new name.  All very kind.  After a few moments, my little bug became more and more at ease.  I could see her big eyes taking in the new family members.  The time soon came for us to start walking door to door.  The first few houses she wanted me to walk with her.  Hold her had.  After a few more houses she started to talk to Abby.  Before long they were walking side by side.
I tried to keep back as much as possible to give them time to connect.  Grandmother, Aunt and I hung back while the kids went on ahead.  Abby, as the oldest, corralled them all from house to house.  At one point Abby and my little bug were holding hands.  My heart did a little jump.  As the night wore on and the air became crisp I thought for sure we were over due for a meltdown but it never came.  We walked around for about an hour and a half before we wound back to where we started.  In that time fingers and noses became cold.  Piling back into the restaurant the grandmother served hot chocolate to our little clan.  Lots of giggles over whip cream mustaches.
As I saw the time creeping later and later I knew we had to take our leave.  As we packed up our loot to head out she gave hugs freely to her grandmother and aunt.  She then gave her sister a hug and just rested there for a moment.  It was a sweet ending to a good night.  I was expecting some conversations on the way home in regards to bio parents but she was actually pretty normal.  Chatty.  Wanting to know when she can see Abby again without the cousins to do “real sister” stuff.  Overall, I would say it was a success.
My friend asked me if I was threatened or sad that she took such a shine to her sister.  I can honestly say no I was not.  These people are her flesh and blood.  She needs that DNA connection.  I am her mommy.  Her safe point.  Her rock.  The fact that we do not share DNA will not and can not change that.  I am thrilled this need in her life is being met.  In time I hope they are able to become close and have a special bond.  She did not grow in my tummy but she grew in my heart.  Stay tuned for more adventures from the beach chair!

3 Comments

  1. What a beautiful story, Tracy. I think it is incredible that you are nurturing your daughter’s connection to her bio family. There is so much love in the world to go around. Thank you for sharing it on Traffic Jam. It’s my fave for this week’s party.

  2. […] Van Me. “I love the originality of this earring design.”     Kimberly chose She met her sister… by our very own View From the Beach Chair. “Beautiful post about nurturing biological […]

  3. […] chose She met her sister… by our very own View From the Beach Chair. “Beautiful post about nurturing biological […]

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