Mom Life, View from the chair

It starts young…

In the middle of the heatwave of 2018 Little Girl and I have spent every free second in the complex pool. It is only for people who live in our association. Last night we had a great time. We actually closed the pool out. Another family was there. They have a child the same age as Little Girl. Little girl and Friend were playing and swimming and having a great time. They have played together at the pool several times now. They talk about television shows, movies, water moves that they can do. Really cute to watch.
We wander over tonight for our nightly cool down swim…after all it is 7:30 and still almost 90 degrees out. There are several families in the pool We are not there but a few minutes when the same family comes to swim. Little Girl was excited Friend was there. Well, Friend was not interested in playing with Little Girl. In fact, it was as if she had never met Little Girl and went on to play with her other friends. Little Girl tried several times to be included into Friends group but to no avail. Little Girl came up to me and said “Mom, why is it she does not know me tonight?” Broke my heart. How do you explain mean girl tactics to a 7-year-old? Why should I have to explain it so young? Momma Bear side of me wanted to call the girl out. However, it is the reality of life so I distracted her and asked her to show me some of her new pool moves. Flips in the water. Turns against the walls. After a while, we decided to head home. We talked about Friend for just a bit once we were out of earshot. I tried to explain how sometimes people can be mean. Sometimes people don’t want to play with someone they have played with before. I also told her to remember this feeling the next time she sees someone on the outside looking in to try and include them. We are navigating rough waters here.
I am thankful for her friends from school and church who are not fair weathered friends. I am thankful for the positive people in her life. I feel sorry for those ‘friends’ she will encounter that will at times pretend they don’t know her. Sadly this is a reality in life. We as women have ALL been there. It really stinks. Here’s to all the little girls who have survived mean girl tactics!

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  1. Donna Gnann

    As a grandmother I would like to drown “said friend”………but alas as you said mean girls are everywhere. My little darling is big enough and strong enough to survive the meanies in this world… go do what you do and ignore them. I love you

    1. beachchairtracy

      MOM!!! You figured out how to comment! Well done you! LOVE YOU. Little Girl is strong. She will rise above this. You helped me manage the mean girls in my life and in turn, we will help her handle the mean girls she comes across in her life.

  2. Meg

    Great job in using the moment to think about others when in a similar situation. Being on the outside looking in hurts even as an adult. I love reading your blog.

    1. beachchairtracy

      Thanks, Meg. We have all had encounters with mean girls. I was hoping we would put it off for a few years but sadly it is getting younger and younger. Little Girl has a strong network of friends at her school. One of the downsides to going to a private school is lack of “close” friends in the neighborhood. It is a trade-off we are willing to make though!

  3. My little girl is only 1.5 and I’m already terrified at the thought of her encountering mean girls. I look back and remember the things I experienced and felt and never want her to feel that way but sadly we can’t protect them from everything. #thesatsesh

    1. beachchairtracy

      The only thing you can do is equip them with a strong home support and the ability to call it for what it is and walk away!

  4. Jodie

    I think you handled this perfectly, because it is sad there are mean people in this world, and there is no way to shield her from them her entire life!!

  5. Girls are mean sometimes. I have a 9 year old sister and see stuff like this all the time and I want to scream at the parents. But as you say this is life and it’s a good teaching moment!

  6. My 4 year old who is very social has already experienced what it’s like to be shunned by other kids. When she asked me why a little girl didn’t want to play with her I answered her that they probably don’t want to do what she wants to do and that there were plenty of other kids she could play with. A part of us all is that we want to be accepted by others and rejection hurts. I tried to curb the feeling of rejection for her by having her see it in a different way: she doesn’t need that friend when she can have other friends who do want to play with her. I fear kindergarten too but all I can do for now is prepare her and build up her character so that things like this won’t bother her as much. #FamilyFunLinky

    1. beachchairtracy

      That is a good take on it. This is why parallel play in the early years is so important. You don’t need to be doing the same thing to still be having fun. Playing in proximity is ok too.

  7. oh it’s so difficult isn’t it when you see your child upset by someone like this. But, it’s life and some people are just plain mean, she will know doubt encounter someone like this again but each time she will have a better understanding until she can just shrug it off. You did good!

  8. this is a fantastic post #mixitup

  9. Children can be so cruel but sounds like your little one has a great mum so will be just fine #dreamteam

  10. #thesatsesh i work in a school with over 1,400 vaginas – girls are mean. However, high five for handling like a legendary parent, distracting and having fun and then thinking about the feeling once its past and thinking how you can use that emotion to help others. You are raising a Queen.

  11. Hi Tracy, oh no! My heart goes out to your little girl! There is no need for meanness and if I were that other little girl’s parent I would be ashamed of my daughter and would most definitely have asked her how she would have felt if the tables were turned! At least your daughter does have ‘real’ friends and maybe this unsavoury episode will serve as a positive so that she never puts a child or person in that very same position and will even go out of her way to include someone.

    Thank you for linking up with #keepingitreal


  12. This is heartbreaking. My 9 year old son is going through this a lot with his ‘friends’ at school and it seems every other day they decide to turn on him and claim not to be friends anymore. I want to storm into the school and gather all the boys up and give them a stern talking to but I know this will just make things worse. For now I’m focusing on lifting him up at home and being a shoulder to cry on when he needs it. I hope it passes soon.
    Thank you for joining the #FamilyFunLinky x

    1. beachchairtracy

      Oh the poor kid. It is so hard to watch. I hope things get better for him!

  13. One thing I am grateful for, is that I don’t have to deal with the mean girl situation. However, boys can be just as cruel. I wish everyone was just kind – it would be such a better place wouldn’t it?
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back tomorrow.

  14. Oh no! It’s really heartbreaking to watch this happen- especially to our own children. I think you handled it brilliantly. There are always going to be mean girls – and being able to shake it off will definitely equip her for the future. Thanks for joining us for the #dreamteam x

  15. Zvonimir

    Great advice and support .

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